I seem to have a difficult time relating how it feels to have cancer, to people who have not had cancer, I’m going to take this opportunity to share here. Maybe ill find out I am still hopeless at it, in which case I will set aside 40 days and nights to go alone into the desert to wrestle with God.

Common sense tells us when catastrophe befalls us it’s more productive to have a good attitude, to have gratitude, faith, hope, and lend a helping hand to those less fortunate. That’s the ideal goal. Sometimes despite our best efforts, we fall short of this: we complain, feel sorry for ourselves, feel alone, that we’ve been dealt a hand we don’t deserve. We may harbour resentments for those who’ve disappointed us, misunderstood us, avoided us, or even deserted us. This may lead us to isolate and fall into further despair.

What I’ve learnt with much difficulty and pain is that there are no extra points for being a “good” cancer patient is that being; patient, tolerant, accepting, cheerful, uplifted, courageous, willing to overcome any odds. Because of the example set by extraordinary individuals in the media, we may feel we’ve somehow failed if we fall short of that example, like we’re being graded on how we get through cancer treatment and its aftermath.

Have you ever said to yourself:
- I must be a bad  person to have to go through this?
- Maybe I’m not trying hard enough?
- Why is it taking me so long to get better?
- Why don’t I feel happier and more motivated now that treatment is finished?
- Everyone keeps staring at me, I feel like a side show?
- Maybe I should suffer in silence so I don’t worry or upset those around me?
- It’s so petty to care about my appearance, I should just be grateful to be alive?
- My bad eating habits and lifestyle probably contributed to my getting cancer?
- It’s ok that my friends don’t call as much any more?
- I can’t expect people to stop their lives just because I got sick?
- I should be strong enough to deal with this and figure this out on my own?
- Something must be wrong / defective with me?
- Why cant I snap out of this depression and my negative attitude?
- besides, they’re probably sick and tired of hearing about my cancer?
- Why dont i just leave, theyd be better off without me?
- Death, what have I achieved, everyone will forget me anyway, I wish it was all over?
- Why do the nightmares haunt me, is it not enough I have to deal with cancer?
- Why cant I just cry, why cant I stop crying?

All those who know the answers to all of the above are excused. For anyone ells consider this: you are not alone. In fact, you are NORMAL. The truth is, some of us will hardly bat an eye through treatment; will train for marathons, get married, have kids, go around the world. Others will quit work immediately, feel sick, depressed, like the world is closing in on them. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of shame attached to a cancer diagnosis (we become “untouchable”); we feel shame around how we conduct ourselves through cancer treatment, shame about how we recover post-treatment. We are constantly judging ourselves the way we perceive others are judging us. We’re so exhausted by the whole experience of treatment as well as managing our personal and professional lives, that it never occurs to us that what we need to do most is take kind and loving care of ourselves. We’re so busy performing damage control that we don’t see that the most important thing in need of repair is the relationship we have with ourself.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort